Good day, I hope I didn't send my prayer request twice by mistake and I hope my prayer request is not very long, please forgive me if it's long to you, I would like your prayers to have a normal life, to go out on my own, to go back to school and find a job, to seek asylum in order to attend church and be baptized because that's illegal in my country, to stop talking and walking like my sisters and mother and walk, talk like a real man instead, in order to make people respect me, to restore good bacteria, to be protected from side effects of head drugs and antibiotics overuse, to get rid of chest pain and death thoughts and bad family influences like anger issues, screaming and old wives tales, to be protected from coronavirus because I don't have a room and my family don't follow guidelines, if you're curious and have some time and don't mind reading more about me , you can read more below.
I hope you'll understand my story and you can share it with church, pastors, prayer team and prayer list emails if you want and can but don't post it on your website, I'm a convert to Christianity, I hope you have some time to read my prayer request about forced overuse of drugs and my problem with my abusive family because of my voice I need your prayers, I'm a unique case, I hope it'fs not that long because I know you're busy and you receive a lot of praer requests, I'm sorry if it is long I need your prayers because there are no Christians where I live to pray for me I'm a young man who converted to Christianity and I'm living in an anti-Christian country (it was Christian before the Islamic conquest) with my Muslim family, I feel so lonely and I dream of meeting a Christian in real life because attending church is illegal and Bibles are banned, I can't wait to attend church and be baptized.
I know you can help me only with prayers and no more, I understand that. Your prayers are very important, I can't believe all this happened to me (excessive bullying, family problems, loneliness, lost education, lost childhood, forced overuse of drugs, high pitched voice, death thoughts, and confinement for almost a decade because of my voice, sleeping is hard because of death thoughts and sometimes I don't sleep all night ...etc) my life is not much of a life, I think that my family is a cursed family because of my mother.
I have chest pain and armpits pain and I feel something moving in some parts of my body especially my chest and some burning, I hope it's not coronavirus or any other serious disease because my family members go out every day even when they don't need something and my mother (Malika) goes to funerals almost every week, my hands are trembling a little bit and I have pain in my hands and pain in my neck and back and I hope it's not anything serious, I hope it's not flu or side effects of my forced drugs because I took a lot of antibiotics and head drugs and I don't want to take antibiotics again I don't want to lose more good bacteria, I was unknowingly forced to take Benzo for more than 3 years with other drugs by my mother because she thought I was crazy like she thinks about my whole family and she can't read drugs because she's illiterate, I spent years behind closed doors because of my family and that made me act like a crazy person. The doctor was shocked because of the dosage years and the number of drugs because my Benzo drug shouldn't be taken more than 3 months and she told me I'm very young for these drugs (I was 18 years when I started taking them and now I'm 22 years) , I almost died because of withdrawal symptoms and I didn't sleep for 5 days, I don't think we have rehab center where I live and even the doctor didn't tell me I should go to it and I'm still forced to take them to get rid of Benzo withdrawal symptoms and all of my family are worried because the doctor doubled my dose months ago when I said I have paranoid thoughts because of withdrawal symptoms and even another doctor told my father that a doubled dose can harm me (God forbid) and now my family buys head drugs from another doctor because the office of my old doctor is in another city with a lot of coronavirus cases and transport between cities is currently not allowed and I will be out of my drugs in few days because that doctor don't want to prescribe my drugs and he told me they could harm me (God forbid), also he told me to take them only once a day unlike my other doctor who told me to take carbamazepine twice a day months ago, I feel discomfort in my throat, I hope my throat will not be sick again because the ENT specialist told me if I don't stop taking antibiotics they will kill me (God forbid)because I took more than 10 courses of antibiotics courses in one year. He was shocked when I told him I had sore throats 10 times or more just in one year and I wish I didn't take sore throat drugs 10 times in one year. Second-hand smoking and screaming because of my family screaming and fighting almost every day are the reasons, I have nowhere to stay away from my father second-hand smoking I'm subject to it every morning and evening and night because he smokes a full packet every day (20 cigarettes) like he told me and he doesn't listen to me or to the doctors and he doesn't care, I dream of breathing clean air 24 hours and having room to stay away from screaming and fighting and swearing.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family where I hear my father yell as loud as he can almost every day if not every day over little things and the same thing with my mother and sisters, I hope I will get rid of bad family influences like anger issues, screaming and old wives tales because my family yells almost every day especially my father and my mother, rude people in our neighborhood imitate what we say and our screams and that makes me feel depressed, I'm not safe from bullying even when I'm home because I hear them make fun of my voice and repeat what I say in home, I told my family to close doors and windows but they don't listen to me and say it's hot. I think all of this happens to me and my family is because of my mother's obsession with tarot cards, fortune tellers and horoscopes because my mother's cousin told her that she had a dream that tarot cards are causing me harm however my mother doesn't listen to her and even my real name Fateh is from a fortune teller like my sisters told me, she is obsessed with them even before I was born, that's why the Lord punished us, my sisters and my parents struggle with mental health and all of us are middle school dropouts with no education and no jobs and all my sisters are beyond the age of marriage. I hope someday I will change my name to a Christian name like Elias or Adam or Jude. Now my mother turned from a customer of fortune tellers to a fortune teller herself and started making money from tarot cards, I hope the Lord will not punish us with coronavirus because of my mother. When I was in the elementary school she took me to a lot of fortune tellers here and there and one of them would write on our foreheads and tongues with ink when my mom takes me to him and sometimes with the blood of a slain goat and she would go back home very late at night after spending hours with a fortune teller and after all these decades, she doesn't want to repent.
We heard in the news about 38,133 coronavirus cases or more here daily new cases sextupled these days we hear ambulances every few hours, please pray for the virus to stop spreading in all countries especially in underdeveloped countries with weak health systems that may not have the capacity to control the spread of the virus.
My family members refuse to stay home especially my father he goes out a lot even when he doesn't need something and without washing his hands enough times and he still shakes hands with other men and kiss cheeks of other men even though we heard some cases in our environment and most people here don't have their own rooms like me I never ever had any room to sleep in it and to isolate myself from them I'm all the time with my sisters and mother. Also, my mother visit relatives almost every day and sometimes they force her to kiss their cheeks because refusing to kiss a relative is considered rude here and she went to some funerals these weeks and kissed relatives even though we warned her and now she has chest pain, fever, and blood pressure and she is afraid because of blood pressure, I don't have a room to stay away from her and she touches her face all the time every day and I'm suffering from hypochondriac thoughts because of antibiotics and withdrawal symptoms, a distant relative of my mom sends her grandsons to our home from time to time and they cough in a lot of places in our home even in our mattresses like today and they refuse to go to a doctor when they are sick I pray I will not catch coronavirus from them or sore throat.
I have some headache from time to time, dizziness and I feel discomfort in my throat, I'm afraid of the side effects of antibiotics overuse and I hope I will get rid of death thoughts and throat discomfort.
Some of the doctors prescribed to me meds from notorious brands and I took them from time to time when I had sore throats (one brand has a syrup that causes cancer and another brand that has throat spray that causes cancer, God forbid according to a well known European newspaper) but now I will not take these drugs again after finding out about that and I hope they will not hurt me or have side effects on me whether now or in the future because I took them in the past and I have pimples and I'm suffering from OCD, death thoughts because of flashbacks and extremely scary images, falling hair and blurred vision, burping, and acid reflux because of Benzo withdrawal symptoms and crazy nightmares, uncontrollable thoughts and a lot of times I imagine the devil trying to kill me or something bad happening to my mother or my sisters or my father but I always try to imagine the opposite like me killing the devil with my face full of blood I hope I will get rid of these bloody thoughts.
I pray antibiotics will have no permanent side effects on me or do me any harm now or in the future and I hope my chest pain is not anything serious because my mother is worried about me when I was a baby my mother didn't take me to be vaccinated the last vaccine because I was sick and when she came again the nurse told her that they run out of that vaccine, I don't know what is that vaccine yet, I hope nothing bad will happen to me and I hope I will stop worrying, withdrawal symptoms made me a hypochondriac because of the crazy images that I saw.
Please pray for me to be safe from side effects of sore throat drugs especially side effects on the immune system or side effects on good bacteria and stomach I don't want my immune system to be weak now or in the future or losing good bacteria or any other side effects please pray for me to restore good bacteria and to be healthy without sore throat I'm tired of taking drugs all the time and I and my family are worried about side effects because of over-using them for a year (like I said I took sore throat drugs more than 10 times just in one year and I hope my throat will not be sick again so I will not take them and I have paranoid thoughts and I think the phlegm in my chest didn't get out of my chest even though I took Ambroxol for a week I still feel discomfort in my throat, I hope my throat is not sick and I have itchiness (especially when I have death thoughts)
I hope God will renew my youth like an eagle and compensate me for the years the locusts have eaten, I can't wait to get off the internet and get a life and go out more but I'm held by my family for years without school because I have a high pitched voice, I grew up with only sisters and no brothers and also my mother was the sitter of the neighbors' girls and I grew up with them and their female friends and that's why I didn't act like a typical boy because of the absence of males in my environment, even my father didn't spend a lot of time with me and he is emotionally distant and to this day I see him only for seconds even though he's retired because he spends most of his time in his room but my sisters and mother they're always with me all-day that's why I was bullied.
I dropped out of middle school because of excessive bullying every day, the whole school was against me and even people who were friendly to me in the elementary school have turned on me and became bullies, I never thought about dropping out of middle school until my father put that idea in my head, he told me to quit going to school when I complained about the bullying he put that the idea in my head, bullying was so excessive that I even was hiding in the classroom during recess almost every day.
After dropping out of school I wanted to go back to school because I found out no school no future but my family especially my mother and my father didn't let me go back to school because of my behaviors and voice, my father told me you will be bullied again if you go back to school. I lost almost a decade at home because of my family including my teenage years and my chance to go back to school.
I hope spending most of the day on the internet will have no permanent harmful effects on me especially my back, posture and my eyes, and sitting all day because my family doesn't allow me to go out because of my voice, they're afraid for me because I'm the only male child, they're worried that evildoers will do something bad to me because of my voice and my baby face every time my relatives see me they talk about crimes such as rape and killing of young men, they're hinting and warning me.
My family made me have an internet addiction but I can't keep living that way, I dream of going out more and having a normal life and I hope someday I will seek asylum in the West so I can attend church without being arrested and have a normal life, I pray my plan to seek asylum to attend church and have a normal life will succeed, I feel I'm in the wrong place with the wrong people because this country is Muslim and full of radicals, I can't wait to leave Algeria and I hope this will be as soon as possible.
I don't want to lose my youth held by my abusive family behind these four walls because of my voice, I lost a decade at home because of my family, I want a normal life, not the one I have and I want people to respect me because I tried to do vocal exercises to deepen my voice but the result was sore throats 10+ times and I hope no more sore throats now. Also please pray for me to be safe from head drugs side effects and overdose and withdrawal symptoms I hope phlegm in my chest...etc is not serious, and I hope chest pain, anxiety, bloody images, and panic attacks and hypochondriac thoughts and thoughts about death will go away. and have no harmful effects on me I pray that head drugs, sore throat drugs and all other drugs will have no side effects on me now or in the future and I can't wait to stop taking head drugs and I hope I will not take sore throat drugs again and that my throat will remain healthy and get rid of discomfort, I pray that God will protect me from side effects of head drugs and accidental overdose and interactions until the doctor allows me to stop taking them like he told me and I hope that will be soon but corona made transport banned and the problem if I stop taking them I will be forced to fast again for a month every year from dawn to sunset without food and water I don't want to pretend to be what I'm not I'm a Christian, not a Muslim, I hope I will seek asylum to attend a church legally and go out on my own and have a normal life and go back to school and make friends and find a job (when I told my mother I want to work she started crying and my grandmother gave me the forearm jerk and told me you can't work because of your voice, you will be kidnapped, I can't believe my family are themselves bullies and underestimate me), I'm planning my escape from 2015, I don't want to lose my youth and more years in this prison at the mercy of my family, I hope what the enemies did to my life, God will use for good and for my asylum case in the future but the problem here I still don't have any proof for my persecution and my passport will expire soon not to mention my mother told my first doctor who is a quack to write that I'm 100% mentally ill to make the government give me benefit payments because my father doesn't allow my mother to work and she needs money and sometimes she sells food and things to my sisters, asking for money from us is not a problem but the problem is asking my first doctor to write I'm 100% mentally ill for benefit payments and I remember her asking me to act crazy and pretend I'm mad when I see the doctor to make him write I'm 100% mentally ill for benefits payments she herself said that he is not a good doctor and that he may be a quack, he never talked with me or asked me questions, all he did is prescribing drugs and he even wrote my age wrong, I'm a young adult who is short guy, not 14-years old like he thinks and he mistreated us a lot, for example, he told the secretary to hit patients and he has an AC in his office but he would leave everyone roasting because there is no, AC in the waiting rooms and he expelled me and told me to never come to him again when I complained about withdrawal symptoms when I almost died and didn't sleep for 5 days, I don't think I can travel legally without my guardian (who is mom my jailer) and I think being granted asylum would be very hard because the doctor wrote that I'm 100% mentally ill like my mother told him and I have never been abroad or on an airplane so I don't know anything about travel, visa, hotels, renting and asylum and saving money from my benefit payments to seek asylum takes years even if I'm saving all of my benefit payments which is what I'm doing they're not like the income of a worker, don't get me wrong I'm not asking you for money I know you're not GoFundMe and that website doesn't even support my country, I'm just asking for prayers because I'm afraid of losing more years and my future at home at the mercy of my family with no a normal life like my uncle who is the only male child with only sisters and a high pitched voice and that made him isolated without education and job and beyond the usual age of marriage.
I don't want to cry over my youth as I cried over my lost childhood sometimes my family and my extended family members are suspicious of me and asking me how much money I saved and why I'm saving money like my aunts, cousin and my mother because my mother tells relatives everything I do and she told them I'm a convert to Christianity and they all started yelling at me and saying blasphemous things, my cousin is Salafi if he finds out that I'm a Christian I'm sure I will receive death threats from him, people in my neighborhood have infiltrated my laptop and read what I wrote on the internet like I'm an ex-Muslim because when I eat dinner or lunch, watch TV..etc I would forget to turn off my laptop and it had no password and it had my real name, they're hinting at me and making fun of what I wrote when they see me with my father and even my father himself told me that he heard them speaking about me and told me to create a password for my computer. When I was waiting for my father outside the cafe, I saw two boys one of them said to me "wake up you're living in the Arab Islamic world"
Most times when my mother persuades my father to take me with him for a walk he usually takes me for almost an hour or less than an hour and when he takes me for a walk, bullies laugh every time they see me and throw insults at me even when I'm with my father by hinting and call me faggot and sometimes they say very exaggerated insults about me by hinting, maybe because I don't know how to walk and talk, I spent years behind closed doors with my sisters and my mother without a real father even though he's my real father because my father thinks that a family is just people sharing the same apartment, no more so my relationship with my father is like my relationship with my neighbor because he's always in his room and I see him only for seconds every day when he's home because he doesn't spend time with us and he doesn't interact with us, I feel like I don't have a father because he doesn't spend time with me, he is all the time in his room or smoking and he didn't teach me how to be a real man even if I'm in a female-dominated environment.
When I open the windows rude people insult me when they see me and a lot of people think I'm crazy and call me faggot, I hear them insult me from time to time even when I don't open the windows I didn't develop past 12 because of my family and bullies, I need a safe place to grow up mentally away from Muslims, family, and high pitched voice haters, a calm home without screaming, fighting and swearing almost every day if not every day. I'm fighting to forget about my lost childhood, lost education and loneliness, every time I hear boys playing outside I get depressed because my inner child wants to play with them but I can't do that I'm no longer a child, I miss the real world so much, my age in the real world is 12 years old even though I'm a young adult (22 years old) (I lost a decade at home because of my family, bullies and loneliness) and my father doesn't like to take me for a walk unless my mother persuades him to do that, he wants me to stay home from years before the pandemic even though he says about himself that if he stays home he will become sick, he always has excuses, it's raining, it's hot, there are protests, it's Friday, he's sick....etc I can't believe what happened to me, I can't find the bright side in my life except for faith and hope.
I will never be a real adult and self-dependent man and grownup If I stay in my country, they want me to follow them like a child forever I'm waiting for the Lord's plan. I dream of waking up from this nightmare and making a good plan to escape from my abusive family to seek asylum in a Christian majority country but they're suspicious and asking why I'm saving money even though it's not that big.
I know you don't have time to read more and other details about the story of my life but your prayers will be appreciated, I hope I will attend a church and get baptized and meet in church people who prayed for me.
I hope I didn't rush to tell much of my story and I hope I didn't complain a lot and I hope there is no unnecessary talk in my message, please forgive me for making you read all this. Sorry if my English was bad. I didn't study English in real life, I learned some English from the internet.
Greetings from the hometown of St.Augustine and St. Monica. Thanks for reading, you're saints and angels.